Feelings that shouln't be revealed

Standard la terasa. Manusia kan. Tapi bila aku terasa, takde sape pun dtg pujuk ke ape. Tp bila 'diorg' tu terasa, tau pulak nak dipujuk. Nthla, i am really upset. But its okay, aku pun faham. Aku ni xde siapa2, i dont know how n whom to share with bout my feelings ni. I just have myself. And this blog. I just wanna die. Boleh ke kalau saya ni nak share apa yg saya rasa? Takkan pernah boleh sbb confirm dimaki balik, padahal salah tu cm kecik je and tak payah nk timbul pergaduhan pun tapi? That's why i just need to be alone, kena pendam je apa yg saya rasa. Dengan semua feelings yang ada ni, I should die. I just fucked up dengan life ni, its so annoying lah. My feelings ni cm seumpama memendam segala benda. And i just need to keep it inside my heart and locked it. I don't want anyone to open and explore my heart. I just hate this feelings.

What's life?

 Life is like a wheel. what goes up comes down. Bila fk balik dr mula start hidup ni, indah tu apa? Mcm xkenal je erti indah tu. Haih. I need my happiness, dad, mom. Please. Bila nak okay ni, i need a perfect life. I do have a girlfriend, i hope she can support me in terms of life and advice. Oh god, i just want a stable life. Im seeking for my happiness in future with my love, HANA QISTINA.

Sad Movies Makes Me Cry

He said he had to work so I went to the show alone

They turned down the lights and turned the projector on

And just as the news of the world started to begin

I saw my darlin' and my best friend walk in

Though I was sittin' there they didn't see

And so they sat right down in front of me

When he kissed her lips I almost died

And in the middle of the color cartoon I started to cry.

And so I got up and slowly walked on home

And mama saw the tears and said “what's wrong?”

And so to keep from telling her a lie

I just said “sad movies make me cry”

EMPTY

Now, aku rasa mcm xtahu nak cakap mcmana. Aku nak relationship tu ada give and take, respect each other, but IDK why, dah berkali2 aku ckp dgn dia, sama jer, still je suruh "diam arh", ckp "aku-kau". Ntahla, aku nak cakap pon susah. Aku nak bwk berbincang, asyik nak marah, bila aku tanya, dia kata aku ni cari point nak gdo. Then biar jela masalah ni drag smpai bila2. Biar xpernah nak settle. Bukan xpernah ajak, if xnak gak, tu aku xtau lah, nnt masalah besar, idk how to handle kalau yang kecik pun dah mcmni. Macam aku ckp, aku sedih weyh, aku pernah brkasar but tu dah lepas, mana ada dah and i still do respect you. Bagi aku, cakap aku kau tu rude la. Aku ni siapa, kalau kawan layak lah nak kata mcmtu. *take a deep breathe* Aku ni bukan puppet or bukan binatang, I do have feelings, kalau syg aku, sama2 respect, kalau nak kekal, buat cara nak kekal. Aku just kena sabar jela walaupun most of the time aku nangis. But then, ada siapa tau? Aku banyak diam sekarang, cuz biar aku sakit, its okay. For your happiness of your heart, yeah, I should end my fuckin words now. CHOW.

HER

she is my blood that runs my nerves.

*sigh*

sekadar nak luahkan perasaan. saya tahu, saya ni tak senang mana pun, saya byk susahkan orglain je byk la. saya dah mntk tlg org yg saya rasa nak. and feedback blk mcm no. saya nak buat mcmana lagi? Abg siap marah lagi. tp semua tu awk xtahu, im struggle to find money utk broadband tu. bukan sy xde effort langsung. and harini saya tak de tali ikatan utk JPA ade ujian. saya busy do cri merata2, and still xde. awk ttbe marah saya and ckp "Kau if xleh tlg!! ckp jela taleh!! ta payah na kurang ajr sgt!! blah lah!!". okay, sebelum tu sy reply... "Sbr boleh tak?? abg org tny prob pe, reti sbr ke tak? Abes tu awk nak marah2 sy pehal. Sbr jela skgni, tggu dlu abg rep ape!" - sy kurang ajar ke? hm. saya tak tahu na ckp cne lagi. awk fikir la k. saya asyk kena marah lately. bukan nak emo lbh tp kalau awk kate sy kurang ajar ngn ayat sy tu, awk pk la, ayat awk tu sgt menguriskan hati sy, betul tak tipu. kill me then... seriously, semua buat kena marah. saya ni sape.

Allowance matter

Oh. I am tryin so hard to make you happy, didn't you see it? I am tired today, im not lying, i am really damn exhausted, tp balik2 kena marah. suruh saya jgn bebel. Nanti.. saya janji saya tak usik lagi duit awk, sbb skg ni awk xde duit, awk cm marah kat sy. i promise, your money is your money. Saya tahu awk xleh mntk dad dah. seriously, saya tak tau na ckp cmne, saya this week penat :'(

a piece of my heart

saya ni siapa kat hati awk? kalau masih hendak bertanya kat ex awk, saya siapa? my future... saya ni xmempunyai hati ke? saya ada hati. please la. saya sedih gle awk tahu, saya salu ckp sorg2 dalam hati saya sbb xnak termarah awk. saya ni zaf. appreciate la bila awk dah dengan zaf. saya sedih. boleh tak kalau saya nak hidup tanpa semua feelings ni? saya dah janji hari tu, apa pun saya rase, sdih ke happy, saya pendam sensorang, sbb saya nak share ngn dia. saya kena marah. baik saya ckp dalam hati kan? hati boleh teman saya tiap2 masa. saya jeles sbb saya sayang. awk ckp dengan saya, jgn ganggu die, if I tahu, its over, kenapa? kalau awk xready nak syg saya sepenuhnya, kenapa awk biar sy sayang awk? awk ckp awk xpernah bahagia, tp awk deserve bahagia tu dengan dia. saya buat semua salah, saya tegur, jadi kena maki, saya diam sumpah saya janji saya diam. saya sayang awk, tolong faham saya juga, saya dah cuba faham awk sekarang, apa lgi yang xcukup.... thanks blog, sbb teman saya petang ini :')